Here Are 4 Ideas About A Coaching Relationship that Empowers Teams:

Idea 1

It’s okay for teams to struggle. From struggle comes learning. And teams that have gone through difficult moments build resilience and a deep sense of community. The coach’s role therefore is not to prevent foreseeable problems, but to support teams in solving them (and later help them reflect on how they've grown in the process). 

Idea 2

  The coach’s role is to let teams make their own choices, even if (s)he believes (s)he knows a better solution. 

Idea 3

     The coach supports the team mostly by asking insightful questions and mirroring what is seen. (S)He helps teams frame issues and solutions in light of the Team’s purpose.

Idea 4

The starting point is always to look for enthusiasm, strengths, and existing capabilities within the team. The coach projects trust that the team has all it takes to solve the problems it faces.

  If you'd like to find out more about our approaches to developing teams and how we might be able to help you, contact us on 07984409937 or by email jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

What is assertiveness?

What is assertiveness? Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions and feelings without anxiety and in a way which does not infringe on the rights of others. 

It sounds simple but expressing yourself in an appropriate manner is not always easily achieved, and there are many of us who could benefit with a little help. 

Here are some tips to put you on the path to self-awareness.

1.       Assess your current persona.

• Do you tend to shy away from relationships both personal and in the workplace?
• Do you compare yourself to others?
• Do you devalue yourself and your achievements?
• Are you apprehensive about the future?
• Do you focus on what is not working in your life rather than what is?

It may be that you are not confident enough to assert your opinion, however at the other end of the spectrum it may be that you are more than able to express your thoughts, but often find that you have unsettled others in doing so.  Either way by asking yourself a few questions, you are on the way to addressing any issues.

2.       Recognize the differences between where you feel you are at the moment and where you would like to be in the future.

Pitching your assertiveness at appropriate levels is very much a case of modifying your behaviour which has very often been ingrained over many years. 

3.       Get an outsider’s view.  Talk to a trusted friend or relative to find out how you come across to others. 

Talking to someone for 20 minutes a couple of times a week can soon start to reap reward when you realise that you are not alone. 

4.       Begin to focus on how your life will change for the better.

There are many simple steps that you can take which can give you a taster of how much more enjoyable life can be.  Writing a simple list of what you have achieved over recent days will start to give you the confidence to continue your change.

5.       Seek out support.

Speak to a line manager in your workplace who may be able to offer you a mentor to support you. 

There are also many trained professionals who can offer courses and help you implement simple strategies to help you enjoy life more. 

At DY-3Solutions we are currently offering a Workplace and Personal Assertiveness Course.   In becoming more aware of who you are, you will soon start to reap the rewards.  Whether in your personal or work life, the strategies which we can give you will make you justifiably proud of who you are and what you achieve on a daily basis. 

It is a simple step to get on to the assertiveness ladder and we have the tools to help you climb it.  We understand that lack of self-belief and low levels of confidence are not reached over night and equally it takes time and dedication to change your mind set.

We begin with a range of tasks to help you recognize emotions at every level.  You will soon notice that you receive recognition and thanks for your efforts more often than you had imagined.

Contact us on 07984 409937 for further details on the course or to discuss how we can help you.  By making the call you are already on the way to improving your life in the long term.  

Would It Surprise You To Know That People Agreed With This Simple Idea?

And here it is

"Always great to work with clients who understand that good outcomes and quick fixes don't often go together"We tweeted this in mid-January and it attracted a good number of "likes". Maybe this was at a point when some of our followers felt that the New Year Resolutions were beginning to have an impact and that things were starting to move forward.This feedback came at a time when past clients had been in touch, thanking us for our work with them and telling us about substantial changes they've made as a direct outcome of participating in one of our programmes. Here's a quotation form one of them: a few things have been changed to protect the client's identity and the name of the employer

" Hi John, I hope you remember me: I had a few sessions with you a while back when I returned to work from maternity leave and found it a struggle to work within the new team that had been created. Your sessions helped me move to the decision of putting my family first and move away from a job that came with lots of unhappiness. I did it! I set up a micro-business with a clear ten year plan. Thank you for helping me decide to get there"

What a great text to receive and it was sent at 18:51 on 31/12/2014, so maybe my former client was taking stock of the last year and looking to the future with a sense of purpose, achievement, passion and purpose.

When I think about this further there's a lot going on. We have someone who had all the resources in place to make the changes she wanted to see in her life. This was enhanced by what as I shall described as the "emotionally turbo-charged" decision to put her family first. My former client was determined that she would move away from a painful place and towards one of fulfilment and enjoyment.

Part of our blended approach is consistent with Motivational Interviewing and here's an easy to watch clip that highlights some of the techniques. I must point out that the neither of the characters is either me or my client!!!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-IH-V7oJ4

Changes takes time to stick and too often we try something only to slip back and we brand ourselves as "failures", we have "fallen off the ladder and crashed to the ground

I prefer to think about "regression" rather than failure. Making decisions is easy, committing to them is hard. Here's an idea-develop an internal dialogue that say something like

"Bad days notwithstanding, I can do this!"

We don't "fall off ladders", rather we slip a little on the Helter Skelter of life: it's a much healthier image because a slight slip on a helter skelter means we go back a little, recover our motivation and get on with it, We don't have to "Begin again" because we had progressed well past beginning, We were "doing it!"

I'm sure my former client has (will) have challenging days. There is however a powerful message of purpose, values and authenticity in her message to me which made it a fantastic "Happy New Year" wish without even using the words.

You can find out more about us at www.dy-3solutions.co.uk or on Facebook DY3 Solutions Ltd.

You can contact me at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz,com.

Good luck!

Did You Know That You Can Project The Positive With 4 Connected & Powerful Positions?

Would you agree that it's sometimes really tough to go into an appraisal meeting or a work revue and to feel that you can have some influence over the agenda?
If you've answered this with a "quiet yes" (or maybe not so quiet!), you should consider the following ideas. They will help you to develop a strong, forward facing and powerful dialogue that might just arrive like a breath of fresh air to your manager/supervisor! Here they are:

Four Powerful Positions in Establishing Yourself

·          Be able to talk about

o       A peak experience or high point when working here. This would be a time when you felt most alive and engaged and knew you were working “in flow”, getting great results, enjoying them and contributing to your organisation.

·          Be prepared to talk about

o       And without being modest-what you most value about yourself, the nature of your work and the organisation

·          Be able to identify, describe and articulate

o       The core factors that give life to your organisation, without which the organisation would cease to exist?

·          Be in a position from where you are able to state with confidence and purpose

o       The three wishes so you have to enhance the health and vitality of your organisation

Can you see how these 4 simple and powerful positions might help us re-frame our relationship with our work? Give this a try and if you'd like to know more about our work please get in touch, we're happy to help! jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com 

Seeking The 18th Camel

                                             
We are often involved in "stuck situations", not the best piece of English in the world but it captures perfectly what is going on. Whether as individuals or as members of groups we can sometimes lose sight of the fact that there's "more to life" and that's because "issues" (whatever they are!) become problems that in their turn grow into deeply engrained responses that are toxic and destructive.

Desirable as it might seem the wisdom associated with "When you're in a hole, stop digging," seems to be one of the first escapees from the increasingly locked in behaviours.

We sometimes have to find ways of introducing some new thinking to free up the existing dialogue. Compromise is fine but it has to be remembered, as much a compromise will give you something you want, it will also require you to accept something you don't want! 

A shared solution works best, particularly when as in the clip, those involved feel that their individual wants and needs have been met.

These are the types of outcomes we work hard to achieve, they're also the one that "stick best".

   

Self Sabotaging Beliefs

We've spoken about Self Sabotaging Beliefs and their capacity to stop you from:

§       Enjoying what you are doing

§       Developing and trying something else

§       Stop doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing but continue to through existing habits and Self Sabotage.

This section of our work gives you some approaches and tools with which to challenge Self Sabotage and we’ll work our way through each of the “Not So Magnificent Seven” discussed previously

Self Sabotaging Belief	Try This	Notice This
#1 When I think about what I'm doing I tend to focus on what isn't working rather than what is	Stop-set yourself some short-term “wins” and write them down/put them on your phone/tablet and when you've hit your win just mark it off. Now here’s the next bit-put your achievements into a sentence and read it out. Preferably loud, failing that a bit of “quiet self-talk “is okay too.	How recording and recognising what’s been done makes a real contribution to your energy and sense of purpose. How the next step is so much easier once you've taken the first one(s) How the “doing and noticing” prevents procrastination. You've achieved something-enjoy it!
#2 I am apprehensive about the future	Recognise that a little apprehension is okay. “Take ten deep breaths and hope for the best” isn't much of a strategy. Then look at your apprehension as friendly questions so, “I'm scared of delivering this presentation tomorrow,” changes to. “When I give this presentation, what’s the best way to introduce the theme, what do I really want people to know and how shall I wrap it up?” How will I get some feedback? And remember this; “There are only two days over which I have no control; yesterday and tomorrow”  It honestly pays you not to over-plan	When you've got an outline you are immediately in a stronger place. Notice how you start to develop alternatives and other supportive ideas Notice how you can shift the way you feel about the whole process. We’re turning a barrier into a scalable obstacle and an obstacle into a challenge. Next step? Turn that challenge into a success then write down how it feels. Notice the way you receive and address feedback

#3 I tend to devalue myself and my achievements	I’d like you to think of something you achieved and write it down. Now, I honestly don’t mind if this is a list, a spider diagram or a mind map-anything-just write it down. Then write what happened that was positive because of your achievement. Who was it important to and why? What did it mean to them, how did it make them feel?	The achievements we take for granted or devalue often have huge positive impacts on others and, if we just let them, they will do the same for us. Sometimes considering the powerful and lasting impact of a single act of kindness helps us to understand our significance and meaning “beyond the event” and that our achievements can have a massive impact on others
#4 I find that I too often compare myself to others	Consider this. Whatever field we think about there are going to be countless people who are better or worse than you.  Now, you can either use this knowledge to “big yourself up or beat yourself down” and I promise you that no-one outside of yourself and your loved one’s will notice. Be realistic and without being complacent, be kind to yourself: try to hold on to this thought: comparison works well when we see strength and adapt it or recognise something we wouldn’t want to repeat and therefore avoid it. Also please understand: we’re not going to get it right every time! Honest.	Notice that when we chose to use comparison as a positive contributor to our behaviour it changes our relationship with ourselves. Notice that relatively small adaptations have a big impact and that when you take ownership of them you begin to make them your own. Notice how finishing “I could…” sentences about what you want to achieve soon turns from a thought, to an intention and then into an action, Notice too the context in which other people succeed and be generous in the way in which you acknowledge their success,

#5 I find it hard to hold on to my gains and my achievements	Develop a “feedback friendship” with someone you trust and value. Ask this person to listen to you for 20 minutes twice a week and invite them to ask you questions. In your conversation, tell them about a gain, an achievement that really matters to you. Tell them how it has made you feel, tell them where it fits in to a bigger picture, tell them why you want more	Notice that the more you discuss what you’ve achieved in positive terms, the more it means to you. Notice that your gains and achievements have values “beyond the immediate”. Notice their impacts on others.
#6 I shy away from relationships	A big part of feeling more confident about relating to others is the health of your relationship with yourself. Some of the techniques and approaches we’ve talked about here and in previous areas of our work are focussed on improving the way we see ourselves. As you grow others will see your increased confidence, your kindness, your intentions and actions. They will recognise your authenticity and development, Relationships can’t be forced, they need time, space and consideration to develop. Our approaches will provide you with a great “starter kit” so that you might feel more confident in your abilities to be both giving to and receptive of relationships with others at all levels.	Notice how other people respond to you as you reach out and grow in confidence. Notice how you feel about yourself and ask yourself “What’s different?” Practice strong “self talk” where you express your feelings with purpose and clarity. Give examples to yourself. “I did x well because Steve and I had a really good feedback session and I can now understand…….” (You get the picture).
#7 Sometimes I feel there is no real purpose	Here are  things to do 1.      Watch the film “It’s a Wonderful Life” 2.      Make a quick list of the small kindnesses you have given today 3.      Make a quick list of the small kindnesses you have received today 4.      Get in touch with someone you haven’t spoken to for a while and tell them that they crossed your mind and you thought you’d get in touch 5.      Deliberately increase your recognition of gratitude	1.        Make sure you get the message from the film: everyone matters! 2.        You will notice that you probably gave more than you thought 3.        You will notice that you probably received more than you thought 4.        Notice the response of the person you have reached out to. Notice the strength of your feelings and try to name them 5.        Gratitude is a strong element of emotional well being. Notice how it helps your appreciation of yourself and others.

And Now?

Think about which, if any of the above statements apply to you, work on the one you feel can want to change and PLEASE notice the differences. I’d like you to remember that none of us acquired our Self Sabotaging Beliefs over night and they’re not going to disappear overnight either! Take your time, be good to yourself and (once more) NOTICE what’s happening to you and others.

Good Luck!

Contact us:

jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

07984409937

0121 602 7191

www.dy-3solutions.co.uk

Self Sabotage-Why Let Other People Mess You Up When You Can Do It Yourself?

This particular quotation has been around a while yet it seems to have enough about it to avoid falling into the cliché category.We’re adding to our resources that focus on assertiveness and have opened some ideas up about the relationship between assertiveness and confidence. I guess it is well worth stating here my observation that misplaced over-confidence is frequently accompanied by behaviours the outcomes of which are limiting and carry a degree of risk. However, the direction of this piece of work is to look at the traps we prepare for ourselves when our lack/absence of confidence expresses itself in Self Sabotaging Beliefs. Let’s take a look at the “Stand Out Seven” what they might mean and their potential limiting impacts

1. When I think about how I'm doing, I tend to focus on what is not working rather than what is

You know, let’s focus on the times we've dropped the pass or missed the deadline. Let’s haunt ourselves with the presentation that didn't go as well as it might have and dismiss all the good ones as “adequate at best”. It’s a sure-fire way of blocking your own productivity, whether at work or on personal projects.

2. I am apprehensive about the future

In all honesty you might be right to be apprehensive and as long as we’re in a place where we are exercising caution and consideration that’s okay. I see caution and consideration as a way to identify risk so that we “risk aware” and not “risk averse”. We do however need to keep this in a pragmatic and helpful space!

3. I tend to devalue myself and my achievements

This isn't about becoming a hysterical self-promoting narcissist, it’s about accepting your achievements, owning them and using them in a manner that establishes your authenticity and credibility with others and most importantly-you!

4. I find that I too often compare myself to others

Here’s an idea for you: keep on doing this and you will begin to understand that either you are much more capable than others and  they fall beneath your contempt or they are much more capable than you and you open the door to all sorts of self destructive ideas. Then again, you could chose to accept that each end of the continuum presents us with an opportunity to either help someone else or learn from someone else-either is good!

5. I find it hard to hold on to my gains and achievements

“As soon as I reach my goal, it’s gone!” Sound familiar? Look, you've got there, you've secured it and as long as you've done this by an ethical and legal route it’s yours. So hold on to it, be proud of it and help others to reach their aspirations.

6. I shy away from relationships

I have a good friend who does just this and this person’s self talk is sometimes painful to hear: “Not good looking enough,” “Who’d want to be with me?” “I'm a loner and I'm happy with it”, “There’s no-one out there for people like me.” And every time I hear this I witness a perfectly decent human being deny themselves and others of love, warmth and relationships. I hear them regurgitate the very negativity that has imprisoned them and in so doing honour only their gaoler.

7. Sometimes I feel there is no real purpose.

There are days when this seems to be the case, we all hit the rocks occasionally. But we don’t need to “stay stuck” and when this becomes a dominant belief there’s a concern. It’s a concern because if we really, really see the world this way I can promise you that the outcomes of belief number 7 will exceed the total negativity produced by adding beliefs 1+2+3+4+5+6

Next time we'll give you a chance to assess your own thoughts and feelings and look at some countering behaviours.

If you'd like to talk to us about any of the ideas raised here you can contact us on.

Mobile     07984 409937

Land Line 0121 602 7191

Twitter      @DY3Solutions

Facebook   Dy3SolutionsLtd

email us jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

http://www.dy-3solutions.co.uk/

Stay On The Assertiveness Ladder

Staying On The Assertiveness Ladder

Confidence is a key component of assertiveness and vice-versa. For some, confidence is also hard to acquire and easy to lose. So, it's useful to begin to understand some of the elements that can increase your confidence: what is it you'd like to be confident about?

When we've worked with clients whose personal and or professional confidence is in a bad place, part of the challenge is to help people to understand that they have some "rights." Now, whereas the list below spells some of them out, we're not always going to feel good about asking for them to be met. Nonetheless, here we go:

• I have the right to say no
• I have the right to ask questions
• I have the right to express my opinions
• I have the right to make my own mistakes
• I have the right to put my own need in front of others
• I have the right to ask for help and support when I need it

And it's fair to state that some of our work is an outcome of individuals feeling that they are not recognised, that they have in some ways "ceased to exist" and that their rights are denied

We believe that we can be more confident and assertive if we have a go at contextualising what it is we actually want to experience happening to us. Doing this gives us access to a much clearer and clean conversation with those who we feel are denying us.

It's also important to remember that this is an "Upwards/Downwards/Sideways" process that can be used with colleagues across the organisation. Upwards intimidation happens too!

Here Are Some Questions for You:

If you are not being heard, you are going to suppress some really important ideas and feelings; if this happens:

• What impact does it have on you?
• What impact does it have on your team?
• What impact does it have on the quality of your work?
• What impact does it have on your happiness and well-being?
• What impact does it have on your family and friends?

It's really helpful if we set this out in a format that helps to be clear about what we want for example:

My rights

• I have the right to:-"Challenge Ray when he sets short deadlines"
• I have the right to:-"Turn off my work mobile at 7.pm/ leave it off until 7.30 a.m
• I have the right to:-"Be given time to develop my ideas and be heard"

So here are 3 prompts to get you thinking:-

• What would you out on your "Rights List"?
• What would you prioritise?
• If things changed for the better, what would you notice?

Good luck! And if you'd like to know more you can contact us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com You can find out more about our work on our web-site www.dy-3solutions.co.uk

How Many Do You Get? McGraw's Laws.

McGraw’s Laws Background: Phil McGraw is a Psychologist + Celebrity Coach. He identifies 10 “laws of life” claiming that if you practice all 10 your success is guaranteed. Fail to practice just one and you can be “left in the dust”
LAW	MEANING	RELEVANCE TO US
1. Either you get it or you don’t	Insight doesn’t slowly evolve, it leaps	We can change now. So can our coachees and our customers. If you believe these things take lots of time it will.
2. You create your own experience	What is happening to you now tends to be a result of something you have done or are doing	While we blame others we will never self-diagnose. Keep looking for your role in producing the results you are getting. You are not a victim, you have choice
3. People do what works	People repeat behaviours that reward them in some way	To change any behaviour you must first identify the “payoff” then stop the payoff. You cannot change your own negative behaviour without understanding why you do it in the first place
4. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge	Solving a problem depends on acknowledging it in the first place.	What you do not acknowledge is going to get worse until you do Don’t spend time on problems that people do not admit to.
5. Life rewards action	No one cares about your intentions only what you do.	Until someone commits to an action nothing will change
6. There is no reality only perception	“People knowledge” is based on opinion and so cannot be objective	Accept others opinion of you. If you don’t like it, ask yourself how you contributed to it and how you can change it.
7. Life is managed not cured	Don’t expect something or someone to sort your problems once and for all Challenge is a constant	How often do we hear “if only I had x everything would be OK” Real change involves adopting new and permanent strategies.
8 We teach people how to treat us	If someone treats us a certain way it is because we are rewarding that behaviour by how we  respond to it	Identify the payoff we are giving that person and  then stop the payoff We can re-teach people –after all, we taught them in the first place
9. There is power in forgiveness	If you hold a grudge against someone it hurts you not them	See it as a learning experience and learn to forgive
10. You have to name it to claim it	To achieve a goal you must first create one. Do it properly.	Not knowing precisely what you want is not OK. Learn to state specifically what you want and why you want it Have a plan or you’ll be a part of someone else’s

....and which one rings most true for you? For me it's number 7, followed closely by number 9.....