Have You Ever Wanted Something You Didn't Really Want?

There's a view (and it's a lop-sided one) of compromise that it's about

"By and large, getting what you want." 

And whereas this might in some cases be true, compromise is also about 

"Getting or keeping something you didn't want."

As mediators we often find that our work is more akin to conflict resolution that might or might not require a formal mediation. Sometimes we need to adopt a different approach, one that is based on a really useful and well researched model which asks us to think about our individual and preferred approaches to conflict: here we go!

• Competing:           "I win, end of story" 
• Avoiding:              "Just what is says-I avoid conflict -sometimes at my                                  own cost"
• Accommodating:    Learn to live with it."
• Compromise:         "We're going to have to accept something we don't                                   want in order to get to a place where we can achieve                                 what it is we do want"
• Collaborating:       "We're going to have to work through this in an                                          organised and structured way"

We're going to expand on these over the next few weeks. In the meantime, we'd love to hear from you if you feel we can help!

Call us 07984409937

email   jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

So, What Is It Exactly You Do ?

I noticed a couple of "Congratulations" posts making their way through from LinkedIn today-a "Work Anniversary!" It's been 3 years since I changed "Coady Consultants" (Established 2003) to DY 3Solutions. The change of name didn't mean change of purpose. It did however add a new energy to my work-a fresh focus!

Painful and Frightening!

I delivered our first piece of work under the new company name from a wheelchair. Rheumatoid Arthritis had taken me completely off of my feet on the evening of July the 27th 2012. A couple of weeks later my eldest son Matt drove me to and wheeled me into a piece of Team Development Work. It was the beginning of a long road back and here's me now:

I'm not the runner I was but I'm doing it, some cycling too and I'm now setting myself some increasingly ambitious goals.....

"l already knew this thing!"

It took me some weeks to recover during which I learned again what I always knew; namely that:

"we daily skate on the thinnest of ice often without knowing how thin the ice is or what it is we're skating towards and in some cases away from! Life is capricious and struggle as we might we have little control over the events that affect us."

A Sustaining Image!

I'm pretty certain that there's not a coach/trainer/facilitator who hasn't during team-development sessions, had a Sailing Ship chosen as an illustrative metaphor for team work. My guess is that its frequent selection is something to do with the fact that it's an accessible piece of imagery that works! really, it does, giving us access to leadership, setting course, handling changes, critical incidents, teamwork, communication, handling disagreement, developing common purpose.........you get the picture.

It was used during the above session in 2012 and guess what? It appeared again this week during the afternoon of Tuesday 14th of August! I'd like to stress that this was with a different team! I like long term projects but we could have circumnavigated the globe in said galeon in three years.

"Lightbulb Moment? About Time!"

hubris

ˈhjuːbrɪs/

noun

1. excessive pride or self-confidence.

   "the self-assured hubris among economists was shaken in the late 1980s"

   synonyms:

   arrogance, conceit, conceitedness, haughtiness, pride, vanity, self-importance, self-conceit, pomposity, superciliousness, feeling of superiority; More

   • (in Greek tragedy) excessive pride towards or defiance of the gods, leading to nemesis.

   
   

Poor old Wylie Coyote's lightbulb moments don't really work out that well do they? Largely because of the above phenomena "Hubris.  His latest, best idea is simply the precursor of another major fail and so I tread carefully, on thin ice as I both mix and extend the metaphors!

My lightbulb moment was the realisation that I am for most of the time and with the exception of valued partnership work, the crew of my own ship. Now, I've contracted out some of the functions: book-keeping, accountancy, marketing and so on; largely because there are well qualified people out there who can do it better than me: specialised crew members if you will.

On Crewing My Own Ship....

Here's what I have done and can offer you.

Business:    
Communication, building influence, understanding teams, powerful stakeholder events, leadership, managing people, mediation, conflict resolution, the leader/manager/coach. Skilling, developing and transforming people. Recovery programmes for stuck” colleagues. A Values Led Approach to developing Your Business. Speaker at development days, moving towards career/life changes. Values led business development, Customer care, Dealing with Aggression and Difficult Situations

Education:
Leadership, classroom management, developing confidence and re-energising colleagues in difficult places, coaching and mentoring skills, direct intervention with learners/students groups and individuals. Speaker at Development Days, Safeguarding Trainer, Mentoring and Conflict Resolution Skills, Talking and Listening to Students, Learners, Parents and Careers.

Professional Development

Bespoke programmes for professionals

Personal Development

Bespoke programmes for individuals, designed in collaboration to meet the individual’s circumstances and desired outcomes.

Now, I'm not going to extend the metaphor any further, we're not going to "sail off into the sunset together" but  If you'd like to find out more about any of the above, give me a call on 

(+44) 07984409937 or email me at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com 

Would It Surprise You To Know That People Agreed With This Simple Idea?

And here it is

"Always great to work with clients who understand that good outcomes and quick fixes don't often go together"We tweeted this in mid-January and it attracted a good number of "likes". Maybe this was at a point when some of our followers felt that the New Year Resolutions were beginning to have an impact and that things were starting to move forward.This feedback came at a time when past clients had been in touch, thanking us for our work with them and telling us about substantial changes they've made as a direct outcome of participating in one of our programmes. Here's a quotation form one of them: a few things have been changed to protect the client's identity and the name of the employer

" Hi John, I hope you remember me: I had a few sessions with you a while back when I returned to work from maternity leave and found it a struggle to work within the new team that had been created. Your sessions helped me move to the decision of putting my family first and move away from a job that came with lots of unhappiness. I did it! I set up a micro-business with a clear ten year plan. Thank you for helping me decide to get there"

What a great text to receive and it was sent at 18:51 on 31/12/2014, so maybe my former client was taking stock of the last year and looking to the future with a sense of purpose, achievement, passion and purpose.

When I think about this further there's a lot going on. We have someone who had all the resources in place to make the changes she wanted to see in her life. This was enhanced by what as I shall described as the "emotionally turbo-charged" decision to put her family first. My former client was determined that she would move away from a painful place and towards one of fulfilment and enjoyment.

Part of our blended approach is consistent with Motivational Interviewing and here's an easy to watch clip that highlights some of the techniques. I must point out that the neither of the characters is either me or my client!!!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-IH-V7oJ4

Changes takes time to stick and too often we try something only to slip back and we brand ourselves as "failures", we have "fallen off the ladder and crashed to the ground

I prefer to think about "regression" rather than failure. Making decisions is easy, committing to them is hard. Here's an idea-develop an internal dialogue that say something like

"Bad days notwithstanding, I can do this!"

We don't "fall off ladders", rather we slip a little on the Helter Skelter of life: it's a much healthier image because a slight slip on a helter skelter means we go back a little, recover our motivation and get on with it, We don't have to "Begin again" because we had progressed well past beginning, We were "doing it!"

I'm sure my former client has (will) have challenging days. There is however a powerful message of purpose, values and authenticity in her message to me which made it a fantastic "Happy New Year" wish without even using the words.

You can find out more about us at www.dy-3solutions.co.uk or on Facebook DY3 Solutions Ltd.

You can contact me at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz,com.

Good luck!