- When I think about how I'm doing, I tend to focus on what is not working rather than what is
You know, let’s focus on the times we've dropped the pass or missed the deadline. Let’s haunt ourselves with the presentation that didn't go as well as it might have and dismiss all the good ones as “adequate at best”. It’s a sure-fire way of blocking your own productivity, whether at work or on personal projects.
- I am apprehensive about the future
In all honesty you might be right to be apprehensive and as long as we’re in a place where we are exercising caution and consideration that’s okay. I see caution and consideration as a way to identify risk so that we “risk aware” and not “risk averse”. We do however need to keep this in a pragmatic and helpful space!
- I tend to devalue myself and my achievements
This isn't about becoming a hysterical self-promoting narcissist, it’s about accepting your achievements, owning them and using them in a manner that establishes your authenticity and credibility with others and most importantly-you!
- I find that I too often compare myself to others
Here’s an idea for you: keep on doing this and you will begin to understand that either you are much more capable than others and they fall beneath your contempt or they are much more capable than you and you open the door to all sorts of self destructive ideas. Then again, you could chose to accept that each end of the continuum presents us with an opportunity to either help someone else or learn from someone else-either is good!
- I find it hard to hold on to my gains and achievements
“As soon as I reach my goal, it’s gone!” Sound familiar? Look, you've got there, you've secured it and as long as you've done this by an ethical and legal route it’s yours. So hold on to it, be proud of it and help others to reach their aspirations.
- I shy away from relationships
I have a good friend who does just this and this person’s self talk is sometimes painful to hear: “Not good looking enough,” “Who’d want to be with me?” “I'm a loner and I'm happy with it”, “There’s no-one out there for people like me.” And every time I hear this I witness a perfectly decent human being deny themselves and others of love, warmth and relationships. I hear them regurgitate the very negativity that has imprisoned them and in so doing honour only their gaoler.
- Sometimes I feel there is no real purpose.
There are days when this seems to be the case, we all hit the rocks occasionally. But we don’t need to “stay stuck” and when this becomes a dominant belief there’s a concern. It’s a concern because if we really, really see the world this way I can promise you that the outcomes of belief number 7 will exceed the total negativity produced by adding beliefs 1+2+3+4+5+6
Next time we'll give you a chance to assess your own thoughts and feelings and look at some countering behaviours.
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