A Coaching Story

Q:What have broken trust, listening, a car-park and a horizon got in common?

A:They all featured in a piece of coaching delivered to a client and all played their part in enabling the person to move forward.

My client had been let down by people he had trusted. Their "friendship" was in fact the systematic exploitation of a vulnerable person. Their behaviour had destroyed his trust in others and his confidence in himself. He had to all intents and purposes, evolved into a barely employable recluse

It was important to design with him an approach that stood a chance of working for him

We agreed on this

"Words have meaning and power beyond the obvious and we need to develop good communication."

We also agreed

"The actions that had led up to the situation were talked out and that going over them time after time was not going to help-we needed to describe a positive and achievable future"

So, our sessions focused on the achievable and how we might reach inwards to discover the strengths that would make the journey possible.

The following link takes you to a brief clip where I describe how we approached the challenge. It's a great example of what we do here and how prepared we are to reach out to establish some common ground within which we can nurture the beginnings of progress.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RngBWVLzkU4

Here Are 4 Ideas About A Coaching Relationship that Empowers Teams:

Idea 1

It’s okay for teams to struggle. From struggle comes learning. And teams that have gone through difficult moments build resilience and a deep sense of community. The coach’s role therefore is not to prevent foreseeable problems, but to support teams in solving them (and later help them reflect on how they've grown in the process). 

Idea 2

  The coach’s role is to let teams make their own choices, even if (s)he believes (s)he knows a better solution. 

Idea 3

     The coach supports the team mostly by asking insightful questions and mirroring what is seen. (S)He helps teams frame issues and solutions in light of the Team’s purpose.

Idea 4

The starting point is always to look for enthusiasm, strengths, and existing capabilities within the team. The coach projects trust that the team has all it takes to solve the problems it faces.

  If you'd like to find out more about our approaches to developing teams and how we might be able to help you, contact us on 07984409937 or by email jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

Do you suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

I recently met up with a colleague for coffee. It was a “getting to know you better”’ meeting that is part of building quality relationships with people. I want to mention here and before I go on that this is a key part of developing powerful networks. If you meet people with the sole intention of “selling at them” you need to prepare yourself for a lonely existence!

Now, my colleague is successful; he has developed and grown a business and is liked, trusted and sought after. Half way down my first Americano, he told me that he worried (and I mean ‘keep you awake at night’ worried) about being found out, wanting.

We talked a little longer and by Americano no.2 we’d established the reality of his situation – that things are positive, healthy and vibrant for him. Having come to this conclusion it felt only right to acquaint my partner in caffeine with what is called the Imposter Syndrome.

In the broadest of terms, Imposter Syndrome is a feeling of:

-       I’m not up to this

-       I will be found out

-       I am not worthy of this

-       There are better people than me

…I am sure you get the picture!

We talked our way through another high quality coffee and agreed the following plan:

1.    He’d reflect on things

2.    He’d share his thoughts with someone close to him

3.    We’d meet again and if necessary put some actions in place

After doing exactly that, the result was a relaxed, future focussed and positive client! Great news for him and his family.

For me, I have the satisfaction of shifting a self-limiting belief, helping to free up some thinking as well as knowing that the only thing that might keep my colleague awake now is a coffee induced insomnia.

If you recognise the Imposter Syndrome within yourself and want to have a chat about this or are interested in any other aspect of our work them please get in touch on 07984 409937 or email us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com. 

How asking 4 questions can make a huge difference to your life

I’m often asked about by clients and colleagues alike about what the secret is to helping people achieve something that matters to them. What I’ve found is that we sometimes have to assist our clients in understanding the powerful importance of their proposed decision and to do this we need to ask 4 questions:

1.    What will happen if I do?

2.    What will happen if I don’t?

3.    What won’t happen if I do?

4.    What won’t happen if I don’t?

Easy eh? No! Well, the first two are but then it gets complicated as we start to deal with negatives in Q3 and double negatives in Q4.

So how does it work in practice? Here’s a relatively easy example from working with a valued client who was exploring some work-life balance issues and wondering whether to address them. In answer to the above questions my client put the following:

Question 1 - If I do:

-       I’ll have a much clearer idea of what needs to change

-       I’ll be able to identify some quality time to spend with my family and friends

Question 2 - If I don’t:

-       The situation will continue as it is or it could get worse

-       There are unspoken tensions that will emerge from home

-       I won’t have the time to tell my family and to show them how much I really care

-       I’ll stay on this treadmill 

Question 3 – What won’t happen if I do:

-       I won’t continue to feel out of control

-       I won’t resent the time I spend at work

-       I won’t feel so tired all the time

Question 4 – What won’t happen if I don’t:

-       I won’t have the level of happiness I feel I need

-       I won’t feel as valued by my family

-       Be seen as having the strength of character to take some control over events

-       I won’t have the satisfaction of changing something for the better

Now, there are dozens of coaching themes that we can develop from the above responses and we hope you’ll agree that these four simple questions are a great way to explore what we might do and what is important to consider.

Why not give them a go yourself to see what it brings up? If you would like some guidance about how to approach this or want to have a chat about any other aspect of our work them please get in touch on 07984 409937 or email us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com. 

Are You ready for A Big Change?

Champion Jockey A.P McCoy gave an interview on BBC Breakfast today and there was one big stand out message, it was that  A.P McCoy seemed at a loss to:

• Explain how he really felt
• Talk about the future in a positive manner
• Recognise his uncertainties

And in doing so created an example of a 'Toxic Trilogy' that can hit hard when we:

• Retire
• Cut back on our work commitments
• Face redundancy and lay offs
• Are taken ill
• Need to re-arrange our lives to care for a loved one

He has retired at the pinnacle of his career - we are unlikely to ever see the like of him again. He is likely to be financially secure for the rest of his life, he has created a great legacy for his loving family, he has the adoration of the racing public and the respect of his peers. And yet this morning he had the look of a man lost in an uncertain future of the 'School Run' and........well, little more emerged today.

A.P was lost for words, or rather the words needed to say how he truly felt:  He reflected not on a career but on a powerful a self-actualising identity. It was a modest view of the world from a man who was a the top of a tree he now looks at, because from the moment of he crossed the finish line for the final time he was no longer in his secure role. The danger, the camaraderie, the excitement and the adoration - gone. I hope A.P has a some great times ahead of him and that his fantastic knowledge and talents can benefit others. I hope he is happy.

At DY 3Solutions we approach life changes in way that gives our clients an opportunity to take stock of themselves, of their achievements, of what matters to them. We enable our clients to recognise the strengths they have that might help them carry their lives forward with a sense of adventure and purpose. It's an approach that recognises uncertainty and considers how we will use our assets of character and values to anchor our confidence and open the door to new opportunities and experiences.

We can work with you, your colleagues, friends and family members and our approach can be adapted to contribute to a work exit strategy. We can't guarantee happiness, we will though, make sure that our clients have had an opportunity to consider how to approach the next stage of their lives with a positive outlook and a sense of "great things to come".

For a confidential chat about how we can help call 07984 409937 or email us on jpd@dy3solutions.mybiz.com. You can also take a look at what we do by visiting www.dy-3solutions.co.uk.

Did You Know That You Can Project The Positive With 4 Connected & Powerful Positions?

Would you agree that it's sometimes really tough to go into an appraisal meeting or a work revue and to feel that you can have some influence over the agenda?
If you've answered this with a "quiet yes" (or maybe not so quiet!), you should consider the following ideas. They will help you to develop a strong, forward facing and powerful dialogue that might just arrive like a breath of fresh air to your manager/supervisor! Here they are:

Four Powerful Positions in Establishing Yourself

·          Be able to talk about

o       A peak experience or high point when working here. This would be a time when you felt most alive and engaged and knew you were working “in flow”, getting great results, enjoying them and contributing to your organisation.

·          Be prepared to talk about

o       And without being modest-what you most value about yourself, the nature of your work and the organisation

·          Be able to identify, describe and articulate

o       The core factors that give life to your organisation, without which the organisation would cease to exist?

·          Be in a position from where you are able to state with confidence and purpose

o       The three wishes so you have to enhance the health and vitality of your organisation

Can you see how these 4 simple and powerful positions might help us re-frame our relationship with our work? Give this a try and if you'd like to know more about our work please get in touch, we're happy to help! jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com