A 3 Phase Approach To Coming To Terms with The Pandemic

The individual feelings we have about the pandemic and its impacts on us are just that-they are individual. There's nothing to be gained by pressurising yourself or anyone else by suggesting that  "Hey, you should be doing better by now!"

We've prepared a series of clips where we use the general themes in the Kubler Ross model to explain what might be happening:

And whereas the above goes some way to explaining our responses to change, loss and/or bad news, we need to agree that it is seldom a linear process. We have used a 3 Stage Approach to both describing behaviours associated with each stage, together with some ideas for approaching the challenges and the opportunities that exist as we move through the phases.

We make an important point:

 "It's okay to backslide: it doesn't mean you've failed, it's the most natural of things to happen so please don't assume that you've failed because you've had a bad day!"

And there's another, related one:

"Practice being kind to yourself!"

Here Are Our 3 Clips

Stage 1 - Survival! (5:25 Mins)

Frozen, stuck, angry, unforgiving, lethargic, guilty. All words with powerful associations and ones that feature heavily as we come to terms with the initial shock.
We discuss this and provide what we hope are some helpful observations in this, the first of our 3 clipshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f09YKxowO-w&t=1s

Stage 2 - Acceptance (7:35 Mins)

At this point we're beginning to come to terms with the new reality and are making some healthy adjustments that are good for our well being.

We expand on this theme in our second clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHq-MCKx4ys

Stage 3 - Growth and Thriving (16 Mins)

Here we've built on the strength areas we talked about in our clip "Stage 2 Acceptance" and they are having a positive impact on our lives and provide us with a sense of security, purpose and direction as we move forward.
This is the longest of our clips as it reaches out into the possible whilst ensuring that we remind ourselves that we all of us have a bad day from time to time!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAIOs4AJV98&t=10s

We hope you find these helpful: please feel free to pass it on to others!

Stay On The Assertiveness Ladder

Staying On The Assertiveness Ladder

Confidence is a key component of assertiveness and vice-versa. For some, confidence is also hard to acquire and easy to lose. So, it's useful to begin to understand some of the elements that can increase your confidence: what is it you'd like to be confident about?

When we've worked with clients whose personal and or professional confidence is in a bad place, part of the challenge is to help people to understand that they have some "rights." Now, whereas the list below spells some of them out, we're not always going to feel good about asking for them to be met. Nonetheless, here we go:

• I have the right to say no
• I have the right to ask questions
• I have the right to express my opinions
• I have the right to make my own mistakes
• I have the right to put my own need in front of others
• I have the right to ask for help and support when I need it

And it's fair to state that some of our work is an outcome of individuals feeling that they are not recognised, that they have in some ways "ceased to exist" and that their rights are denied

We believe that we can be more confident and assertive if we have a go at contextualising what it is we actually want to experience happening to us. Doing this gives us access to a much clearer and clean conversation with those who we feel are denying us.

It's also important to remember that this is an "Upwards/Downwards/Sideways" process that can be used with colleagues across the organisation. Upwards intimidation happens too!

Here Are Some Questions for You:

If you are not being heard, you are going to suppress some really important ideas and feelings; if this happens:

• What impact does it have on you?
• What impact does it have on your team?
• What impact does it have on the quality of your work?
• What impact does it have on your happiness and well-being?
• What impact does it have on your family and friends?

It's really helpful if we set this out in a format that helps to be clear about what we want for example:

My rights

• I have the right to:-"Challenge Ray when he sets short deadlines"
• I have the right to:-"Turn off my work mobile at 7.pm/ leave it off until 7.30 a.m
• I have the right to:-"Be given time to develop my ideas and be heard"

So here are 3 prompts to get you thinking:-

• What would you out on your "Rights List"?
• What would you prioritise?
• If things changed for the better, what would you notice?

Good luck! And if you'd like to know more you can contact us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com You can find out more about our work on our web-site www.dy-3solutions.co.uk

How Many Do You Get? McGraw's Laws.

McGraw’s Laws Background: Phil McGraw is a Psychologist + Celebrity Coach. He identifies 10 “laws of life” claiming that if you practice all 10 your success is guaranteed. Fail to practice just one and you can be “left in the dust”
LAW	MEANING	RELEVANCE TO US
1. Either you get it or you don’t	Insight doesn’t slowly evolve, it leaps	We can change now. So can our coachees and our customers. If you believe these things take lots of time it will.
2. You create your own experience	What is happening to you now tends to be a result of something you have done or are doing	While we blame others we will never self-diagnose. Keep looking for your role in producing the results you are getting. You are not a victim, you have choice
3. People do what works	People repeat behaviours that reward them in some way	To change any behaviour you must first identify the “payoff” then stop the payoff. You cannot change your own negative behaviour without understanding why you do it in the first place
4. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge	Solving a problem depends on acknowledging it in the first place.	What you do not acknowledge is going to get worse until you do Don’t spend time on problems that people do not admit to.
5. Life rewards action	No one cares about your intentions only what you do.	Until someone commits to an action nothing will change
6. There is no reality only perception	“People knowledge” is based on opinion and so cannot be objective	Accept others opinion of you. If you don’t like it, ask yourself how you contributed to it and how you can change it.
7. Life is managed not cured	Don’t expect something or someone to sort your problems once and for all Challenge is a constant	How often do we hear “if only I had x everything would be OK” Real change involves adopting new and permanent strategies.
8 We teach people how to treat us	If someone treats us a certain way it is because we are rewarding that behaviour by how we  respond to it	Identify the payoff we are giving that person and  then stop the payoff We can re-teach people –after all, we taught them in the first place
9. There is power in forgiveness	If you hold a grudge against someone it hurts you not them	See it as a learning experience and learn to forgive
10. You have to name it to claim it	To achieve a goal you must first create one. Do it properly.	Not knowing precisely what you want is not OK. Learn to state specifically what you want and why you want it Have a plan or you’ll be a part of someone else’s

....and which one rings most true for you? For me it's number 7, followed closely by number 9.....