Would It Surprise You To Know That People Agreed With This Simple Idea?

And here it is

"Always great to work with clients who understand that good outcomes and quick fixes don't often go together"We tweeted this in mid-January and it attracted a good number of "likes". Maybe this was at a point when some of our followers felt that the New Year Resolutions were beginning to have an impact and that things were starting to move forward.This feedback came at a time when past clients had been in touch, thanking us for our work with them and telling us about substantial changes they've made as a direct outcome of participating in one of our programmes. Here's a quotation form one of them: a few things have been changed to protect the client's identity and the name of the employer

" Hi John, I hope you remember me: I had a few sessions with you a while back when I returned to work from maternity leave and found it a struggle to work within the new team that had been created. Your sessions helped me move to the decision of putting my family first and move away from a job that came with lots of unhappiness. I did it! I set up a micro-business with a clear ten year plan. Thank you for helping me decide to get there"

What a great text to receive and it was sent at 18:51 on 31/12/2014, so maybe my former client was taking stock of the last year and looking to the future with a sense of purpose, achievement, passion and purpose.

When I think about this further there's a lot going on. We have someone who had all the resources in place to make the changes she wanted to see in her life. This was enhanced by what as I shall described as the "emotionally turbo-charged" decision to put her family first. My former client was determined that she would move away from a painful place and towards one of fulfilment and enjoyment.

Part of our blended approach is consistent with Motivational Interviewing and here's an easy to watch clip that highlights some of the techniques. I must point out that the neither of the characters is either me or my client!!!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-IH-V7oJ4

Changes takes time to stick and too often we try something only to slip back and we brand ourselves as "failures", we have "fallen off the ladder and crashed to the ground

I prefer to think about "regression" rather than failure. Making decisions is easy, committing to them is hard. Here's an idea-develop an internal dialogue that say something like

"Bad days notwithstanding, I can do this!"

We don't "fall off ladders", rather we slip a little on the Helter Skelter of life: it's a much healthier image because a slight slip on a helter skelter means we go back a little, recover our motivation and get on with it, We don't have to "Begin again" because we had progressed well past beginning, We were "doing it!"

I'm sure my former client has (will) have challenging days. There is however a powerful message of purpose, values and authenticity in her message to me which made it a fantastic "Happy New Year" wish without even using the words.

You can find out more about us at www.dy-3solutions.co.uk or on Facebook DY3 Solutions Ltd.

You can contact me at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz,com.

Good luck!

How Would You Discuss The Power of Relationship Abuse as A Work Place Issue?

If you've been in a shared space with 15 people today, there's a good chance that 3 or 4 of them will have experienced Domestic Violence/Relationship Abuse. 

Surprised? Don't be. There are some truly shocking statistics that tell of the cost of Domestic Violence/Relationship Abuse to the individual, to society and employer.

The targets of Domestic Violence will have been abused:

• Sexually
• Physically
• Emotionally
• Psychologically
• Economically

They will have been assaulted and controlled by partners over a sustained period. 

A client has asked us to deliver a piece of Customer Care Development for a team of 15 members of support staff. Our discussions helped us to design a programme that delivers an event where Customer Care is addressed through the following 3 Themes.

1. Safeguarding
2. Domestic Violence/Relationship Abuse
3. Mediation/Conflict Resolution

This novel approach means that the organisation's Service Users will receive a meaningful event that looks at Customer Care as a process that honours high ethical values and places the client at the centre of actions and decision making. Not only is this the right thing to do but it also makes sound financial sense in creating a life-time relationship between the organisation and its customers. One that is based on feelings and engagement that go beyond the traditional understanding of "service"

New Developments: Updating our materials required that we look at proposed changes/developments in the Law that address Coercive & Controlling Behaviour. Here's What We Found

New Domestic Violence Law:

Key Facts

• The announcement by the Home Secretary Theresa May is that there will be a new domestic abuse offence of: “Coercive and Controlling Behaviour.”
• Maximum penalty: 5 years imprisonment and a fine.[1]
• New law is designed to protect victims by outlawing sustained patterns of domestic abuse that stop short of serious physical violence, but amount to extreme psychological and emotional abuse.
• According to the Telegraph, there will be no statutory time limit for the offences, which means that abuse dating back years can be taken into account.[2] (This was not on the official press statement, so this may not be true.)

• Coercive and controlling behaviour can include:
• Preventing the victim from having friendships or hobbies,
• Refusing them access to money
• Controlling everyday aspects of their life such as when they are allowed to eat, sleep and go to the toilet.

• A number of ways that witness testimony could be supported at prosecution:
• Documentary evidence: Threatening emails or text messages
• Bank statements that show the perpetrator has sought to control the victim financially.

• The new law will be introduced as a series of amendments to the Serious Crime Bill, currently going through the House of Lords, and is expected to be on the statute books in the New Year.[3]

Observations

• This change to the law is being made in response to a consultation over the summer (2014.) It has been welcomed by Polly Neate (Chief executive of Women’s Aid,) Rhea Gargour and Antonia Packard (Sara Charlton Charitable Foundation) and Laura Richards (Chief Executive of Paladin.)
• It has been observed by victims that the Coercive and Controlling behaviour - from which the new law seeks to protect them - is in many ways the worst part of the abuse, as opposed to the physical violence.
• There is something in that, as there is not currently a specific offence for controlling behaviour. Such law that currently exists to protect people from domestic abuse focuses on breach of a restraining order, damaging property, assault, burglary, rape, kidnapping and murder. This does not describe the essence of domestic abuse.[4]
• However it is important to remember that this new offence is not law yet, as the amendments to the Serious Crime Bill have not yet been made.
• Efforts should therefore be made to monitor the amendments to the bill, so that it is fully understood exactly what counts as the offence, the penalty and whether the offences can be retroactive.

---

[1] http://paladinservice.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Home-Office-Press-Office.pdf accessed 4/1/2015

[2] http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11244275/New-domestic-violence-law-will-outlaw-coercive-control.html accessed 4/1/2015

[3] http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11244275/New-domestic-violence-law-will-outlaw-coercive-control.html accessed 4/1/2015

[4] http://paladinservice.co.uk/harassment-legislation/domestic-violence-campaign/ accessed 4/1/2015

What to do next

We can provide training and development for your teams. 

Contact us on 0121 602 7191/07984409937 or by email jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

We're here to Discuss, Design and Deliver a programme for you and your colleagues.

Did You Know That You Can Project The Positive With 4 Connected & Powerful Positions?

Would you agree that it's sometimes really tough to go into an appraisal meeting or a work revue and to feel that you can have some influence over the agenda?
If you've answered this with a "quiet yes" (or maybe not so quiet!), you should consider the following ideas. They will help you to develop a strong, forward facing and powerful dialogue that might just arrive like a breath of fresh air to your manager/supervisor! Here they are:

Four Powerful Positions in Establishing Yourself

·          Be able to talk about

o       A peak experience or high point when working here. This would be a time when you felt most alive and engaged and knew you were working “in flow”, getting great results, enjoying them and contributing to your organisation.

·          Be prepared to talk about

o       And without being modest-what you most value about yourself, the nature of your work and the organisation

·          Be able to identify, describe and articulate

o       The core factors that give life to your organisation, without which the organisation would cease to exist?

·          Be in a position from where you are able to state with confidence and purpose

o       The three wishes so you have to enhance the health and vitality of your organisation

Can you see how these 4 simple and powerful positions might help us re-frame our relationship with our work? Give this a try and if you'd like to know more about our work please get in touch, we're happy to help! jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com 

Do You Know What Some Visitors Think of Birmingham?

Cross Innovation: it's about bringing creative industries together with a range of partners to create exciting and sustainable outcomes that provide employment, training, economic growth, hope and aspiration. There's a tangible feeling of growth on the East side of Birmingham, as commerce, creative and service industries are growing and the City's education sector brings an energy, vitality and a message of ambition.

At DY 3Solutions we have an excellent working relationship with Birmingham City University's Research Innovation and Enterprise Team who were pivotal in arranging and delivering a two day conference in October. It was attended by delegates from 11 European Cities all of which has committed themselves to the spirit and outcomes of Cross Innovation. And here, in Birmingham over two-days, participants contributed, challenged and learned from each other.
The venues sent out powerful messages about Birmingham

Day 1

Held at Birmingham City University's Parkside campus: it's an environment that produces a "Creative Hum" created by students and lecturers across a variety of disciplines in a new and vibrant setting it's indicative of our new and growing Birmingham, outward looking and innovative and located in and amongst an area of growth and innovation alongside the City's more traditional buildings-the one we used the second day

Day 2

This part of the event was delivered at The Bond in Fazeley Street, Digbeth in the heart of Birmingham's manufacturing past and creative future.

The relatively short journey between the two venues creates a powerful snapshot of past, potential and energy. It was picked up and commented on by the delegates who had plenty more to say about Birmingham. Here are few of the observations I picked up on throughout the day

Birmingham is friendly

• The delegates told me that they had met and spoken with pleasant, friendly and helpful people

Birmingham has great places to visit

• This included our new and older civic buildings, our city centre, it's eating venues and pubs.

Birmingham has a vibe!

• It feels exciting, there's a lot going on, there's potential here and it feels a great place for growth, ideas and creativity.

......and these were the outcomes of a few conversations held throughout day 2 of the conference; conversations held between a very proud Brummie  and visitors to our City who experienced it through different ears, observations, experiences and expectations.

I too often find myself saying that Birmingham and the Black Country is "much maligned by people who've never been here,". It was great to hear some very positive messages that will be carried back to across Europe about our energies, our potential and our future!

Seeking The 18th Camel

                                             
We are often involved in "stuck situations", not the best piece of English in the world but it captures perfectly what is going on. Whether as individuals or as members of groups we can sometimes lose sight of the fact that there's "more to life" and that's because "issues" (whatever they are!) become problems that in their turn grow into deeply engrained responses that are toxic and destructive.

Desirable as it might seem the wisdom associated with "When you're in a hole, stop digging," seems to be one of the first escapees from the increasingly locked in behaviours.

We sometimes have to find ways of introducing some new thinking to free up the existing dialogue. Compromise is fine but it has to be remembered, as much a compromise will give you something you want, it will also require you to accept something you don't want! 

A shared solution works best, particularly when as in the clip, those involved feel that their individual wants and needs have been met.

These are the types of outcomes we work hard to achieve, they're also the one that "stick best".

   

Self Sabotaging Beliefs

We've spoken about Self Sabotaging Beliefs and their capacity to stop you from:

§       Enjoying what you are doing

§       Developing and trying something else

§       Stop doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing but continue to through existing habits and Self Sabotage.

This section of our work gives you some approaches and tools with which to challenge Self Sabotage and we’ll work our way through each of the “Not So Magnificent Seven” discussed previously

Self Sabotaging Belief	Try This	Notice This
#1 When I think about what I'm doing I tend to focus on what isn't working rather than what is	Stop-set yourself some short-term “wins” and write them down/put them on your phone/tablet and when you've hit your win just mark it off. Now here’s the next bit-put your achievements into a sentence and read it out. Preferably loud, failing that a bit of “quiet self-talk “is okay too.	How recording and recognising what’s been done makes a real contribution to your energy and sense of purpose. How the next step is so much easier once you've taken the first one(s) How the “doing and noticing” prevents procrastination. You've achieved something-enjoy it!
#2 I am apprehensive about the future	Recognise that a little apprehension is okay. “Take ten deep breaths and hope for the best” isn't much of a strategy. Then look at your apprehension as friendly questions so, “I'm scared of delivering this presentation tomorrow,” changes to. “When I give this presentation, what’s the best way to introduce the theme, what do I really want people to know and how shall I wrap it up?” How will I get some feedback? And remember this; “There are only two days over which I have no control; yesterday and tomorrow”  It honestly pays you not to over-plan	When you've got an outline you are immediately in a stronger place. Notice how you start to develop alternatives and other supportive ideas Notice how you can shift the way you feel about the whole process. We’re turning a barrier into a scalable obstacle and an obstacle into a challenge. Next step? Turn that challenge into a success then write down how it feels. Notice the way you receive and address feedback

#3 I tend to devalue myself and my achievements	I’d like you to think of something you achieved and write it down. Now, I honestly don’t mind if this is a list, a spider diagram or a mind map-anything-just write it down. Then write what happened that was positive because of your achievement. Who was it important to and why? What did it mean to them, how did it make them feel?	The achievements we take for granted or devalue often have huge positive impacts on others and, if we just let them, they will do the same for us. Sometimes considering the powerful and lasting impact of a single act of kindness helps us to understand our significance and meaning “beyond the event” and that our achievements can have a massive impact on others
#4 I find that I too often compare myself to others	Consider this. Whatever field we think about there are going to be countless people who are better or worse than you.  Now, you can either use this knowledge to “big yourself up or beat yourself down” and I promise you that no-one outside of yourself and your loved one’s will notice. Be realistic and without being complacent, be kind to yourself: try to hold on to this thought: comparison works well when we see strength and adapt it or recognise something we wouldn’t want to repeat and therefore avoid it. Also please understand: we’re not going to get it right every time! Honest.	Notice that when we chose to use comparison as a positive contributor to our behaviour it changes our relationship with ourselves. Notice that relatively small adaptations have a big impact and that when you take ownership of them you begin to make them your own. Notice how finishing “I could…” sentences about what you want to achieve soon turns from a thought, to an intention and then into an action, Notice too the context in which other people succeed and be generous in the way in which you acknowledge their success,

#5 I find it hard to hold on to my gains and my achievements	Develop a “feedback friendship” with someone you trust and value. Ask this person to listen to you for 20 minutes twice a week and invite them to ask you questions. In your conversation, tell them about a gain, an achievement that really matters to you. Tell them how it has made you feel, tell them where it fits in to a bigger picture, tell them why you want more	Notice that the more you discuss what you’ve achieved in positive terms, the more it means to you. Notice that your gains and achievements have values “beyond the immediate”. Notice their impacts on others.
#6 I shy away from relationships	A big part of feeling more confident about relating to others is the health of your relationship with yourself. Some of the techniques and approaches we’ve talked about here and in previous areas of our work are focussed on improving the way we see ourselves. As you grow others will see your increased confidence, your kindness, your intentions and actions. They will recognise your authenticity and development, Relationships can’t be forced, they need time, space and consideration to develop. Our approaches will provide you with a great “starter kit” so that you might feel more confident in your abilities to be both giving to and receptive of relationships with others at all levels.	Notice how other people respond to you as you reach out and grow in confidence. Notice how you feel about yourself and ask yourself “What’s different?” Practice strong “self talk” where you express your feelings with purpose and clarity. Give examples to yourself. “I did x well because Steve and I had a really good feedback session and I can now understand…….” (You get the picture).
#7 Sometimes I feel there is no real purpose	Here are  things to do 1.      Watch the film “It’s a Wonderful Life” 2.      Make a quick list of the small kindnesses you have given today 3.      Make a quick list of the small kindnesses you have received today 4.      Get in touch with someone you haven’t spoken to for a while and tell them that they crossed your mind and you thought you’d get in touch 5.      Deliberately increase your recognition of gratitude	1.        Make sure you get the message from the film: everyone matters! 2.        You will notice that you probably gave more than you thought 3.        You will notice that you probably received more than you thought 4.        Notice the response of the person you have reached out to. Notice the strength of your feelings and try to name them 5.        Gratitude is a strong element of emotional well being. Notice how it helps your appreciation of yourself and others.

And Now?

Think about which, if any of the above statements apply to you, work on the one you feel can want to change and PLEASE notice the differences. I’d like you to remember that none of us acquired our Self Sabotaging Beliefs over night and they’re not going to disappear overnight either! Take your time, be good to yourself and (once more) NOTICE what’s happening to you and others.

Good Luck!

Contact us:

jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

07984409937

0121 602 7191

www.dy-3solutions.co.uk

A Second Chance: Convicted Paedophile working in Jamie Oliver's Restaurant.

The Daily Mail reported this on Thursday 16^th October:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2795269/paedophile-24-raped-12-year-old-girl-handed-job-chef-jamie-oliver-s-fifteen-restaurant-ahead-thousands-disadvantaged-applicants.html

To summarise the key points, David Mason was convicted of raping a 12-year old girl in 2010. He was sentenced to four years in a young offenders’ institution. He served two, and did two years probationary work. He is now six weeks into a year-long apprenticeship scheme in Jamie Oliver’s central London restaurant, Fifteen. This became public knowledge when he posted a photo of himself with Oliver on Facebook, with a caption that read “Top of the pile where I belong.”

This article was shared by a friend of a friend on Facebook, and there were the usual vitriolic comments: the sentence wasn’t long enough, what they would do to Mason should they ever meet him, and outrage at the number of disadvantaged people desperate for this opportunity that has been handed to a paedophile.

It is on the latter point that I note that it is not that simple.

I’m not defending Mason. I agree that what he did was unforgivable, I wouldn’t want to socialise with him and I certainly wouldn’t entertain his presence around any child I was responsible for. Few would argue the deplorable nature of his crime.

However, at what point do we let this arbitrarily control the rest of his life? Mason now has to make a living for himself. How will he have the chance to do that if the chances are not there? There are few enough opportunities for people who have been in prison; why not do an apprenticeship at a restaurant?

There is currently a prominent culture that people released from prison are almost unemployable. Jobs are hard enough to come by even without a criminal record, and convicted criminals struggle to find employment after they’ve served their sentence. At the risk of romanticising or defending criminals, some have little choice but to go back in to crime – either out of desperation or because it is all they know.

If Mason wasn’t doing this apprenticeship, what would he be doing now? Likely he’d be claiming jobseekers allowance, applying for jobs he has little hope of getting because of his background – and a significant portion of the taxpayers in the UK would be quick to point out their contribution to this. He might even, out of desperation or desire, relapse back into crime; this would help nobody.

I do not suggest that Mason will never relapse or re-offend because he has this opportunity. And his Facebook post was a mistake: what goes on Facebook is public and out of your control; something you’d be advised to keep in mind if you have an embarrassing history. But he has a chance to make a life for himself; a decent job and a career. What he does with that chance is up to him – but he has it. Many do not.

 

The Daily Mail – thriving on its sense of righteous indignation it feels is generated by people who think they’re doing the right thing by agreeing with its controversial points – asks: Why has Mason, a convicted paedophile, been given this opportunity when there are many other disadvantaged youths desperate for a similar position? The comments below the article suggest a lot of people agree with this ideal. Many have stated that Oliver’s judgement was poor in taking Mason on and they would boycott all future TV programmes/publications/restaurants. But there is a more balanced way of viewing this:

There are many ways young people can be disadvantaged; having a criminal record is one of them. If the scheme helps those young people who have made some poor decisions when they were younger to make a life for themselves, it is no bad thing. It might even be argued that people without criminal records have opportunities elsewhere that those with records do not.

There is no evidence to suggest that Fifteen, Jamie Oliver or his management acted irresponsibly in giving Mason the apprenticeship; quite the contrary. They will have checked his background to make sure he is no threat to anybody. His job means he is unlikely to come in to direct contact with children. He will be ‘behind the scenes,’ and if he hadn’t posted the photo it is unlikely that his apprenticeship would be common knowledge.

David Mason is a convicted criminal who has done his time. He has a chance to turn his life around, whether he deserves it or not, and he his not a threat to anybody in the course of his work. I offer the opinion that it is no bad thing that David Mason is now an apprentice at the Fifteen restaurant.

- Matt