We've spoken about Self
Sabotaging Beliefs and their capacity to stop you from:
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Enjoying what you are
doing
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Developing and trying
something else
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Stop doing something
that you know you shouldn't be doing but continue to through existing habits
and Self Sabotage.
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Self Sabotaging Belief
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Try This
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Notice This
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#1 When I think about what I'm doing I tend to
focus on what isn't working rather than what is
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Stop-set
yourself some short-term “wins” and write them down/put them on your
phone/tablet and when you've hit your win just mark it off. Now here’s the
next bit-put your achievements into a sentence and read it out. Preferably
loud, failing that a bit of “quiet self-talk “is okay too.
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How
recording and recognising what’s been done makes a real contribution to your
energy and sense of purpose.
How the
next step is so much easier once you've taken the first one(s)
How the
“doing and noticing” prevents procrastination.
You've achieved something-enjoy it!
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#2 I am apprehensive about the future
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Recognise
that a little apprehension is okay. “Take ten deep breaths and hope for the
best” isn't much of a strategy. Then look at your apprehension as friendly
questions so, “I'm scared of delivering this presentation tomorrow,” changes
to. “When I give this presentation, what’s the best way to introduce the
theme, what do I really want people to know and how shall I wrap it up?”
How
will I get some feedback?
And
remember this; “There are only two days over which I have no control;
yesterday and tomorrow” It honestly
pays you not to over-plan
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When you've got an outline you are immediately in a stronger place.
Notice
how you start to develop alternatives and other supportive ideas
Notice
how you can shift the way you feel about the whole process. We’re turning a
barrier into a scalable obstacle and an obstacle into a challenge. Next step?
Turn that challenge into a success then write down how it feels.
Notice
the way you receive and address feedback
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#3 I tend to devalue myself and my achievements
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I’d
like you to think of something you achieved and write it down. Now, I
honestly don’t mind if this is a list, a spider diagram or a mind
map-anything-just write it down.
Then
write what happened that was positive because of your achievement. Who was it
important to and why? What did it mean to them, how did it make them feel?
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The
achievements we take for granted or devalue often have huge positive impacts
on others and, if we just let them, they will do the same for us. Sometimes
considering the powerful and lasting impact of a single act of kindness helps
us to understand our significance and meaning “beyond the event” and that our
achievements can have a massive impact on others
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#4 I find that I too often compare myself to others
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Consider this. Whatever
field we think about there are going to be countless people who are better or
worse than you. Now, you can either
use this knowledge to “big yourself up or beat yourself down” and I promise
you that no-one outside of yourself and your loved one’s will notice.
Be realistic and without
being complacent, be kind to yourself: try to hold on to this thought:
comparison works well when we see strength and adapt it or recognise
something we wouldn’t want to repeat and therefore avoid it. Also please
understand: we’re not going to get it right every time! Honest.
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Notice that when we
chose to use comparison as a positive contributor to our behaviour it changes
our relationship with ourselves.
Notice that relatively
small adaptations have a big impact and that when you take ownership of them
you begin to make them your own.
Notice how finishing “I
could…” sentences about what you want to achieve soon turns from a thought,
to an intention and then into an action,
Notice too the context
in which other people succeed and be generous in the way in which you
acknowledge their success,
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#5 I find it hard to hold on to my gains and my
achievements
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Develop a “feedback
friendship” with someone you trust and value. Ask this person to listen to
you for 20 minutes twice a week and invite them to ask you questions. In your
conversation, tell them about a gain, an achievement that really matters to
you. Tell them how it has made you feel, tell them where it fits in to a
bigger picture, tell them why you want more
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Notice that the more you
discuss what you’ve achieved in positive terms, the more it means to you.
Notice that your gains
and achievements have values “beyond the immediate”.
Notice their impacts on
others.
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#6 I shy away from relationships
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A big part of feeling
more confident about relating to others is the health of your relationship
with yourself. Some of the techniques and approaches we’ve talked about here
and in previous areas of our work are focussed on improving the way we see
ourselves. As you grow others will see your increased confidence, your
kindness, your intentions and actions. They will recognise your authenticity
and development, Relationships can’t be forced, they need time, space and
consideration to develop. Our approaches will provide you with a great
“starter kit” so that you might feel more confident in your abilities to be
both giving to and receptive of relationships with others at all levels.
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Notice how other people
respond to you as you reach out and grow in confidence.
Notice how you feel
about yourself and ask yourself “What’s different?”
Practice strong “self
talk” where you express your feelings with purpose and clarity. Give examples
to yourself. “I did x well because Steve and I had a really good feedback
session and I can now understand…….” (You get the picture).
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#7 Sometimes I feel there is no real purpose
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Here are things to do
1.
Watch the
film “It’s a Wonderful Life”
2.
Make a quick
list of the small kindnesses you have given today
3.
Make a quick
list of the small kindnesses you have received today
4.
Get in touch
with someone you haven’t spoken to for a while and tell them that they
crossed your mind and you thought you’d get in touch
5.
Deliberately
increase your recognition of gratitude
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1.
Make sure
you get the message from the film: everyone matters!
2.
You will
notice that you probably gave more than you thought
3.
You will
notice that you probably received more than you thought
4.
Notice the
response of the person you have reached out to. Notice the strength of your
feelings and try to name them
5.
Gratitude is
a strong element of emotional well being. Notice how it helps your
appreciation of yourself and others.
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And Now?
Think
about which, if any of the above statements apply to you, work on the one you
feel can want to change and PLEASE notice the differences. I’d like you to
remember that none of us acquired our Self Sabotaging Beliefs over night and
they’re not going to disappear overnight either! Take your time, be good to
yourself and (once more) NOTICE what’s happening to you and others.
Good Luck!
Contact us:
jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com
07984409937
0121 602 7191
www.dy-3solutions.co.uk
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