Have You Ever Wanted Something You Didn't Really Want?

There's a view (and it's a lop-sided one) of compromise that it's about

"By and large, getting what you want." 

And whereas this might in some cases be true, compromise is also about 

"Getting or keeping something you didn't want."

As mediators we often find that our work is more akin to conflict resolution that might or might not require a formal mediation. Sometimes we need to adopt a different approach, one that is based on a really useful and well researched model which asks us to think about our individual and preferred approaches to conflict: here we go!

• Competing:           "I win, end of story" 
• Avoiding:              "Just what is says-I avoid conflict -sometimes at my                                  own cost"
• Accommodating:    Learn to live with it."
• Compromise:         "We're going to have to accept something we don't                                   want in order to get to a place where we can achieve                                 what it is we do want"
• Collaborating:       "We're going to have to work through this in an                                          organised and structured way"

We're going to expand on these over the next few weeks. In the meantime, we'd love to hear from you if you feel we can help!

Call us 07984409937

email   jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

So, What Is It Exactly You Do ?

I noticed a couple of "Congratulations" posts making their way through from LinkedIn today-a "Work Anniversary!" It's been 3 years since I changed "Coady Consultants" (Established 2003) to DY 3Solutions. The change of name didn't mean change of purpose. It did however add a new energy to my work-a fresh focus!

Painful and Frightening!

I delivered our first piece of work under the new company name from a wheelchair. Rheumatoid Arthritis had taken me completely off of my feet on the evening of July the 27th 2012. A couple of weeks later my eldest son Matt drove me to and wheeled me into a piece of Team Development Work. It was the beginning of a long road back and here's me now:

I'm not the runner I was but I'm doing it, some cycling too and I'm now setting myself some increasingly ambitious goals.....

"l already knew this thing!"

It took me some weeks to recover during which I learned again what I always knew; namely that:

"we daily skate on the thinnest of ice often without knowing how thin the ice is or what it is we're skating towards and in some cases away from! Life is capricious and struggle as we might we have little control over the events that affect us."

A Sustaining Image!

I'm pretty certain that there's not a coach/trainer/facilitator who hasn't during team-development sessions, had a Sailing Ship chosen as an illustrative metaphor for team work. My guess is that its frequent selection is something to do with the fact that it's an accessible piece of imagery that works! really, it does, giving us access to leadership, setting course, handling changes, critical incidents, teamwork, communication, handling disagreement, developing common purpose.........you get the picture.

It was used during the above session in 2012 and guess what? It appeared again this week during the afternoon of Tuesday 14th of August! I'd like to stress that this was with a different team! I like long term projects but we could have circumnavigated the globe in said galeon in three years.

"Lightbulb Moment? About Time!"

hubris

ˈhjuːbrɪs/

noun

1. excessive pride or self-confidence.

   "the self-assured hubris among economists was shaken in the late 1980s"

   synonyms:

   arrogance, conceit, conceitedness, haughtiness, pride, vanity, self-importance, self-conceit, pomposity, superciliousness, feeling of superiority; More

   • (in Greek tragedy) excessive pride towards or defiance of the gods, leading to nemesis.

   
   

Poor old Wylie Coyote's lightbulb moments don't really work out that well do they? Largely because of the above phenomena "Hubris.  His latest, best idea is simply the precursor of another major fail and so I tread carefully, on thin ice as I both mix and extend the metaphors!

My lightbulb moment was the realisation that I am for most of the time and with the exception of valued partnership work, the crew of my own ship. Now, I've contracted out some of the functions: book-keeping, accountancy, marketing and so on; largely because there are well qualified people out there who can do it better than me: specialised crew members if you will.

On Crewing My Own Ship....

Here's what I have done and can offer you.

Business:    
Communication, building influence, understanding teams, powerful stakeholder events, leadership, managing people, mediation, conflict resolution, the leader/manager/coach. Skilling, developing and transforming people. Recovery programmes for stuck” colleagues. A Values Led Approach to developing Your Business. Speaker at development days, moving towards career/life changes. Values led business development, Customer care, Dealing with Aggression and Difficult Situations

Education:
Leadership, classroom management, developing confidence and re-energising colleagues in difficult places, coaching and mentoring skills, direct intervention with learners/students groups and individuals. Speaker at Development Days, Safeguarding Trainer, Mentoring and Conflict Resolution Skills, Talking and Listening to Students, Learners, Parents and Careers.

Professional Development

Bespoke programmes for professionals

Personal Development

Bespoke programmes for individuals, designed in collaboration to meet the individual’s circumstances and desired outcomes.

Now, I'm not going to extend the metaphor any further, we're not going to "sail off into the sunset together" but  If you'd like to find out more about any of the above, give me a call on 

(+44) 07984409937 or email me at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com 

Here Are 4 Ideas About A Coaching Relationship that Empowers Teams:

Idea 1

It’s okay for teams to struggle. From struggle comes learning. And teams that have gone through difficult moments build resilience and a deep sense of community. The coach’s role therefore is not to prevent foreseeable problems, but to support teams in solving them (and later help them reflect on how they've grown in the process). 

Idea 2

  The coach’s role is to let teams make their own choices, even if (s)he believes (s)he knows a better solution. 

Idea 3

     The coach supports the team mostly by asking insightful questions and mirroring what is seen. (S)He helps teams frame issues and solutions in light of the Team’s purpose.

Idea 4

The starting point is always to look for enthusiasm, strengths, and existing capabilities within the team. The coach projects trust that the team has all it takes to solve the problems it faces.

  If you'd like to find out more about our approaches to developing teams and how we might be able to help you, contact us on 07984409937 or by email jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com

Do you suffer from Imposter Syndrome?

I recently met up with a colleague for coffee. It was a “getting to know you better”’ meeting that is part of building quality relationships with people. I want to mention here and before I go on that this is a key part of developing powerful networks. If you meet people with the sole intention of “selling at them” you need to prepare yourself for a lonely existence!

Now, my colleague is successful; he has developed and grown a business and is liked, trusted and sought after. Half way down my first Americano, he told me that he worried (and I mean ‘keep you awake at night’ worried) about being found out, wanting.

We talked a little longer and by Americano no.2 we’d established the reality of his situation – that things are positive, healthy and vibrant for him. Having come to this conclusion it felt only right to acquaint my partner in caffeine with what is called the Imposter Syndrome.

In the broadest of terms, Imposter Syndrome is a feeling of:

-       I’m not up to this

-       I will be found out

-       I am not worthy of this

-       There are better people than me

…I am sure you get the picture!

We talked our way through another high quality coffee and agreed the following plan:

1.    He’d reflect on things

2.    He’d share his thoughts with someone close to him

3.    We’d meet again and if necessary put some actions in place

After doing exactly that, the result was a relaxed, future focussed and positive client! Great news for him and his family.

For me, I have the satisfaction of shifting a self-limiting belief, helping to free up some thinking as well as knowing that the only thing that might keep my colleague awake now is a coffee induced insomnia.

If you recognise the Imposter Syndrome within yourself and want to have a chat about this or are interested in any other aspect of our work them please get in touch on 07984 409937 or email us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com. 

Have Your Intentions to Evaluate Others Made You Re-Evaluate Yourself?

After some discussion we were invited to evaluate an event called Deaffest . It's an annual celebration of Deaf Culture with an emphasis on creating Film and Arts events. It oversees and awards process and is like all of us, progressing into the rapidly shifting world of Multi-Media. It takes place at The Light House in Wolverhampton, a superbly restored building that has been part of the process since it began in 2006

and without giving too much away-the Lighthouse is spoken of with great fondness by the people we talked with.

Our evaluation process is about so much more than ticking boxes. With its roots in the philosophy of Appreciative Inquiry we have constructed a question led approach that allows people to "Build their story through a conversation," rather than respond to a series of questions and prompts that don't always reach as far as we would like them to, 

There was a fantastic vibe about the place and beyond-some of which is the outcome of a powerful partnership with Wolverhampton University who sponsor the event and provided a number of Trainee Interpreters. The Theatre venue was provided by Arena Theatre and was the focus of some powerful and thought-provoking work. 

Throughout the event there existed feelings of acceptance, pride and openness communicated through the arts. Our evaluation will refer to a powerful conversation with a deaf actor who talked with great passion about the possibilities presented by combined hearing/non-hearing theatre workshops. 

Tall Stories!

The event led me towards some significant self reflection around what really matters in a world of often conflicting priorities: our emergent evaluation has begun to consider the Social/Emotional value of the event and we will develop this further. Most importantly it must capture the spirited "outward facing inwardly proud" deaf community that provides the most powerful alchemy to the process. It is they who bring the "Soul of Deaffest" into life and being!

How asking 4 questions can make a huge difference to your life

I’m often asked about by clients and colleagues alike about what the secret is to helping people achieve something that matters to them. What I’ve found is that we sometimes have to assist our clients in understanding the powerful importance of their proposed decision and to do this we need to ask 4 questions:

1.    What will happen if I do?

2.    What will happen if I don’t?

3.    What won’t happen if I do?

4.    What won’t happen if I don’t?

Easy eh? No! Well, the first two are but then it gets complicated as we start to deal with negatives in Q3 and double negatives in Q4.

So how does it work in practice? Here’s a relatively easy example from working with a valued client who was exploring some work-life balance issues and wondering whether to address them. In answer to the above questions my client put the following:

Question 1 - If I do:

-       I’ll have a much clearer idea of what needs to change

-       I’ll be able to identify some quality time to spend with my family and friends

Question 2 - If I don’t:

-       The situation will continue as it is or it could get worse

-       There are unspoken tensions that will emerge from home

-       I won’t have the time to tell my family and to show them how much I really care

-       I’ll stay on this treadmill 

Question 3 – What won’t happen if I do:

-       I won’t continue to feel out of control

-       I won’t resent the time I spend at work

-       I won’t feel so tired all the time

Question 4 – What won’t happen if I don’t:

-       I won’t have the level of happiness I feel I need

-       I won’t feel as valued by my family

-       Be seen as having the strength of character to take some control over events

-       I won’t have the satisfaction of changing something for the better

Now, there are dozens of coaching themes that we can develop from the above responses and we hope you’ll agree that these four simple questions are a great way to explore what we might do and what is important to consider.

Why not give them a go yourself to see what it brings up? If you would like some guidance about how to approach this or want to have a chat about any other aspect of our work them please get in touch on 07984 409937 or email us at jpd@dy3solutions.mygbiz.com. 

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