How Many Do You Get? McGraw's Laws.

McGraw’s Laws Background: Phil McGraw is a Psychologist + Celebrity Coach. He identifies 10 “laws of life” claiming that if you practice all 10 your success is guaranteed. Fail to practice just one and you can be “left in the dust”
LAW	MEANING	RELEVANCE TO US
1. Either you get it or you don’t	Insight doesn’t slowly evolve, it leaps	We can change now. So can our coachees and our customers. If you believe these things take lots of time it will.
2. You create your own experience	What is happening to you now tends to be a result of something you have done or are doing	While we blame others we will never self-diagnose. Keep looking for your role in producing the results you are getting. You are not a victim, you have choice
3. People do what works	People repeat behaviours that reward them in some way	To change any behaviour you must first identify the “payoff” then stop the payoff. You cannot change your own negative behaviour without understanding why you do it in the first place
4. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge	Solving a problem depends on acknowledging it in the first place.	What you do not acknowledge is going to get worse until you do Don’t spend time on problems that people do not admit to.
5. Life rewards action	No one cares about your intentions only what you do.	Until someone commits to an action nothing will change
6. There is no reality only perception	“People knowledge” is based on opinion and so cannot be objective	Accept others opinion of you. If you don’t like it, ask yourself how you contributed to it and how you can change it.
7. Life is managed not cured	Don’t expect something or someone to sort your problems once and for all Challenge is a constant	How often do we hear “if only I had x everything would be OK” Real change involves adopting new and permanent strategies.
8 We teach people how to treat us	If someone treats us a certain way it is because we are rewarding that behaviour by how we  respond to it	Identify the payoff we are giving that person and  then stop the payoff We can re-teach people –after all, we taught them in the first place
9. There is power in forgiveness	If you hold a grudge against someone it hurts you not them	See it as a learning experience and learn to forgive
10. You have to name it to claim it	To achieve a goal you must first create one. Do it properly.	Not knowing precisely what you want is not OK. Learn to state specifically what you want and why you want it Have a plan or you’ll be a part of someone else’s

....and which one rings most true for you? For me it's number 7, followed closely by number 9.....

SOME IDEAS ABOUT ASSESRTIVENESS

"John, he's not assertive, just bloody rude!" Was the response to what I thought was a pretty neutral question to a manager about a team-member about who we had been approached with a view to helping him to "moderate his style".

Assertiveness. The subject of training programmes, coaching interventions and one-to-one conversations with a sad truth attached to it. The necessary amount is often context specific and power related.

So, what do we do about getting off the fence and understanding something about assertiveness and its relationship with how we feel about others and how we feel about ourselves, how do we exercise some control over our messages and for supervisors and managers who encourage their team-members to participate in assertiveness programmes? Do they in turn need to be careful what they wish for? 

Individuals who overplay their assertiveness are hard work and they need to understand that as with any "overplayed strength", it can end up hurting you. It's tough to face up to the fact that your "clarity and purpose and willingness to challenge," can be easily (and yes, sometimes deliberately and cynically) misinterpreted

And for the non-assertive? I sometimes ask "Who told you that it's not okay to express yourself and to ask to be treated with dignity: who said "You don't matter and neither does your opinion? Who told you that you should "Shut up and get on with it without ever expecting to be heard?"

There's a good chance that at either end of the spectrum, there's something damaging happening, either to the person concerned, their colleagues, their families. Our work in Coaching and Mediation is varied and interesting with each person's story generating fascinating, sometimes challenging and occasionally distressing insights as we strive to "meet our clients where they are." Part of our processes enable them to understand the power they can give themselves by trying strategies that allow them consider alternative ways of doing things, of managing their interactions. This sometimes requires a "Fake it till you make it." approach. We ask them to "notice what's changing" when so doing.

Interestingly, the word "Confidence" starts to appear! It's a challenge and we'll be developing this theme over the next few posts. In the meantime, feel free to contact us should you wish to talk about this or any of our other services shown on our website http://www.dy-3solutions.co.uk/

John

Some Thoughts About Moaning

Moaners suck the very life out of teams and work-based relationships; we have a choice about the way we view and talk about our working environment.

It works!